Why?
by DeathWish1234
Summary: Rated T for swearing and horror and tragedy. It is really sad and a tiny bit creepy so I've warned you but it's very cute at the end. full summary inside because it's too long for this dumb box and please review to tell me what you think. I'd sure appreciate it


**A/N: This is my first one shot and it's very very VERY sad and horrific. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I showed this to a friend online and they started crying, we're ppl who don't cry over almost anything so this may be scarring. You don't have to read if you don't want to but I think it's very sweet at the end and teaches you all that hate isn't everything and sometimes all you need is a little forgiveness.**

**Please review and tell me what you think and don't be mad that I made my first one shot a depressing and horrific one. It's very cute at the end though s o NO FLAMES PLEASE!**

**Full Summary: She's a young naive cat that fell in love. When she murders the innocent lives of two cats and four kittens she is sent into a spiraling pit of despair and guilt. To think, this all started out because of one measly prank! However when she finally gives up and is accepted by the most unexpected she learns that hate isn't always the out come... (Weird summary I know but just read and you'll understand!)**

**I OWN NOTHING! ERIN DOES! I JUST OWN THE CATS IN THIS STORY AND THE IDEA NOTHING MORE NO FLAMES!**

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Why'd it have to be me? All I've ever done in life was try, I've tried everything from risking my life for someone who ended up not even caring if I lived or died to giving up everything I believe in just to be…alone.

They'd never understand the pain I'd been facing. No one would. They all tried and kept trying but I kept pushing them away. Why was I so stupid? And now look at me, I'm miles away from the place I once called home, I'm lonely and slightly scared.

What's happened to me, I was once the proudest cat in Minnow clan, now I'm nothing but a loner? This is what I deserved though; I had to keep telling myself that. The black pit of blame and horror and pain formed into my shadow. Now I was forced to look at it and face the truth every day.

I was a murder. What else could I do? I helped kill four kittens and their parents, I didn't know Shadetalon was going to do that…but they pinned the blame on me. I was just helping the tom I loved pull a 'prank' now I know I assisted the most blood thirsty cat in all the clans.

Countless times he shot me down; mentally and physically but my obliviousness blinded me. I was in love, what could I have done! It was just a prank!

Then just as I took the blame for him he leaves me to rot and die in my own grief and guilt. The rain soaked ground and collapsing tunnels in front of me is all I have left. It wasn't suicide to me, it was exile from me. I never wanted to look into a pool of water and see the horrible thing that reelected back at me.

Of course, with my luck; a nice settle pool of water was right in front of me, soaking my paws and adding weight to my guilt. I was a fool and glanced down into the pond. The only thing I saw staring back was a monster. A heartless, soulless monster.

I gazed at my pain for moments longer before a vision appeared next to it; it was him. The irresistible black tom with white splotches that made his 'oh so perfect' green, glittering eyes stick out. "Stay the hell away from me!" I screamed and slashed my paw through the water. My claws were fully extended and came out from the pool bloody and mauled. I had broken them on the icy grass under the pool.

My pelt was freezing as another blast of icy wind buffeted my face and flanks. It was time now, I wanted to go and get away. That's all I've ever wanted.

No cat could understand the delusional spiral of pain and guilt I was tossed into after the murders. I wished nothing more since the day it happened that I would drop off the face of the planet and bring them back. Anything to bring them back…

Hopefully I'd go to the place of no stars, where a murder like me deserves to be. No friends only enemies, and no love only hate. A place where I could let the anguish in my veins soak into the land and have it strike me back with a death blow.

My last wish was to have never been born, to have never fallen in love, to have never looked into his stunning eyes. Maybe everything would be back to normal then, Mossfire, gravelwing and their four kits, Spottedkit, Dustykit, Moonkit and the bravest one of all Mistkit. She survived the longest in all the smoke and smoldering branches. It was just long enough to look up at me and say why?

I started breaking down again and let my frail body collapse into the icy pool in front of me. I buried my face in it so that the guilt and remorse in the salty tears I was shedding would fill it just enough to drown me. Isn't that how the old saying went? I'm drowning in misery or something?

It was time; I could feel it in my marrow. The dark forest was ready for me and scratching at my neck for a source of precious life so they can tear it away like I did to the other six cats I called friends. I opened my narrowed eyes only to smirk at the thought of getting what I deserved.

I heard the roar of the largest tunnel caving in and that's when I made my move. I hared forward and walked right under the falling pile of water, mud and rock. Piece by piece the walls caved in on me. Pain seared throughout my body as my lungs screamed for air, but I didn't try and escape. This is what I get; this is what it felt like to have the lives of six innocent cats who suffocated for no damn reason.

Tears streamed down my eyes when a hard rock pounded onto my head and cracked open my skull. I felt the warmth of my life slipping out of the wound and the horrifying memory flooded back into my mind.

_Flashback._

"_Do you have the two leg thing?" Shadetalon asked delicately into my ear. _

"_Yes, Shadetalon. This is going to be the best prank ever." I purred back and licked his muzzle thus dropping the small stick with a red bud on the end of it. _

"_Good Amberfang. Now remember, we block the exit so they can get out and drop the light stick thing down the roof. It'll pop and they'll get so scared that they'll blow through the den walls!" Shadetalon said with a sadistic grin. _

"_I'll want to replay the moment over and over and over again." I mewed and wrapped my tail around his._

"_Me too, now go block the entrance, there can be no way out." He ordered and gazed deep into my yellow eyes. _

"_Ok, I'll meet you at the top of the ridge." I whispered and gave him the small light stick. I pounded off to the front of the nursery. Only one family was in there and they were the last cats I needed to prank before I'd pranked the whole clan. Shadetalon just helped me._

_I pushed heavy logs in front of the nursery, maybe three or four before I sprinted back up to where Shadetalon sat and looked down upon the slumbering cats._

"_Now what?" I asked and looked down at them too. _

"_Light up the glow stick, do you remember how?"_

"_Of course I do!" I purred and scratched my claws against it. The stick lit up with a pretty orange flame that memorized me._

"_Focus Amberfang, push the stick down into the den." Shadetalon instructed and I did so. "No turn around and wait for about four minutes and then you'll hear the boom."_

"_Sweet!" I cried out and turned my back so my tail was hanging down towards the den. A few minutes later my back started to feel unnaturally hot and no popping sound came so I turned around only to see horror. _

_The cats were pressed up against the den wall; they were trying to get away from the horrible fire that was nipping at their heels. _

"_Mossfire, there's no escape. Someone planned this…" Gravelwing said sadly. _

"_But our kits!" Mossfire wailed. _

"_Star clan will accept them with open paws." Gravelwing reassured through bouts of coughing._

"_Who would do such a thing to us?" Mossfire cried and buried her face in her mates pelt._

"_I don't know, but they planned it out very well." He said back and licked her head reassuringly. "I love you."_

"_I love you too." Mossfire said back and started coughing almost as bad as Gravelwing. She swept the kits closer to her when I tried to help. _

"_I'm coming!" I started and started to dive into the den when claws were gripped onto my back and I was flung into a tree nearby. "Shadetalon, what are you doing? They'll die!"_

"_That's the point you mouse brain. I never intended to help you with a prank, this was for murder. You were just dumb enough to fall for it."_

"_But you said you loved me!" I cried out with tears leaking down my face._

"_I said what I had to, to gain your pathetic trust. I never loved you! You're just another stupid she cat." He spat with flattened ears. _

"_You ass!" I cried out, "those are innocent lives in there that you are just throwing away!'_

"_I needed to do this; it's to pass my initiation before I can truly become the new deputy. Then I'll kill Moonstar, I'll rip all nine lives out of her then take her place and blame the murders on you."_

"_No you can't do this! I won't let you!" I shouted and raced back to the burning den. All of them were lying still in the smoldering flames and their sides weren't heaving. One little shape moved and big blue eyes gazed up at me. But not with hate, with confusion and sadness. _

"_Amberfang, I thought we were your friends." She cried out then with her last gasps of air she struggled to say, "Why?"_

_End of flashback_

It finally happened, I was taking in my last breaths when I saw a shape through the muck, and it was him. "You'll never use me again Shadetalon. I'll be watching you!" I shouted as my air supply got cut off and I was sent into a spinning vast of darkness, forever.

When I opened my eyes next I was in an unfamiliar territory, but it felt calm and peaceful. A cat walked out from a shadow followed by another and four others after that. They all looked starry and young again.

"Mossfire? W-where am I?" I asked as tears flowed from my eyes.

"Darling you're in star clan's hunting grounds now. You're safe." She reassured and laid her tail on my shoulders.

"NO! This wasn't supposed to happen, I don't deserve this!" I shouted and pulled away from her. A small black shape walked up to me and looked at me with big blue eyes, "Mistkit?"

"Amberfang, you didn't know what was going on. I forgave you that night, as did we all." She whispered and pressed her muzzle to mine.

"No, you can't you shouldn't…I killed you. I am a murder-!"

"No, you are a cat who has been blamed for all the wrong reasons. You are a cat who has been drowning themselves in their own misery and guilt because you have a heart Amberfang. You have exiled yourself from your kin, your friends, your clan, yourself and no star clan? Even the dark forest, you are determined to rid yourself from existence because of guilt. It's a guilt that is weighing down the wrong cat." Gravelwing scorned and walked closer to me.

"It wasn't your fault and it never will be, Shadetalon threw you into a tree when you came to help. There was nothing you could've done and you need to realize that. We've forgiven you and want you to come and be with us in star clan. That can't happen until you've forgiven yourself." Mossfire added.

"I can never forgive myself; I took the life of four kits that had big futures ahead of them and momentous possibilities of things. I stripped their lives away from them before they even got to start…" I whimpered.

"Our futures were to guide you out of the shell you have formed around yourself and too be loved once again." Moonkit said and pressed his nose against my shoulder.

Mistkit and the two others did the same as Mossfire and Gravelwing walked on either side of me. I felt at peace for once and…happy? I felt loved again and I felt painful weight being lifted off my shoulders like it was never there. I was finally loved again…

"Come with us." Mistkit pleaded.

"Ok…" I said with an agape jaw. Star clan accepted me, even after when I did…why?

"Why is every cat's question?" Mistkit whispered to me like she read my mind. We walked off through the meadows together as a family, a big loving family. Something that no one can ever take away from you. Forgiveness and love is all I needed to realize…I had a family in the ones I murdered…and I always would.

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**A/N: Well? What did you think? Please review and tell me and I know its sad and depressing but its an important lesson of forgiveness in the end. I've forgiven someone who disappointed me beyond belief for what they did to me. Now we're friends again and I learned that maybe forgiving is sometimes better then bottling up rage and storing it away to use on someone else later.**


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